Introducing The ITYNWC
In the spirit of popular novel-writing blitzes such as The International Three Day Novel Writing Contest, we at Vox Populism, together with our partners at Scotiabank and the Korean Government, are pleased to introduce a new contest aimed at those with literary ambitions, but lives too busy to afford three days unburdened by responsibility. It’s called The International Ten-Year Novel Writing Contest, and our motto is “ITYNWC: For When You Find the Time”.
The entry fee for the contest is set at $10,000 Canadian. For this fee, Vox Populism offers to provide:
One (1) newborn child.
A three-bedroom bungalow in a decent neighbourhood in a Canadian city with a low crime rate but little to no literary culture, complete with a fixed-rate mortgage in your name.
$40,000 in student loans.
A decently waged, yet intellectually vapid, position as a mid-level employee at one of our corporate sponsors. A skills questionnaire will be administered prior to the placement, but this will NOT factor into the committee’s decision.
A subscription to the official ITYNWC listserv, called “The ProcrastiNATION”
A ten year supply of every debut novel published anywhere in the English-speaking world by an author still in college at the time of publication.
An ITNYWC “Book Buddy”. A Book Buddy is an employee of the contest who will call you every two weeks or so to discuss the newest Dan Brown or Janet Evanovich novel, and use words like “spine-tingler” and “beach reading”, between overtures as to the progress of your own “little page-turner”. Enrollment in the Book Buddy program is mandatory.
Rather than a common panel of judges, Vox Populism has elected to hire specific evaluators for each aspiring author. Your personal judgement team will consist of:
-your high school guidance counselor
-three people drawn at random from your personal sexual history.
Entries will be accepted until Labour Day, 2010. For more information, please email the ITNYWC Intern Pool at jacob709_902 (at ) hotmail (dot) com. Get working, Mr. Future Author, a decade of quiet frustration awaits!