Love Poem for Officer Bubbles

I know that the entire point of a Sunday news headline is to roust me out of my coffeeshop daze and make me fuming angry. However, well done, Toronto Star. News that the cartoonish G-20 villain we’ve come to know as “Officer Bubbles” is trying to sue YouTube for defaming his character after various uploaders said some frankly hilarious things about him is enough to make me spit-take my fair-trade, community-supported Americano.

Here’s the victim, in all his original glory:

Because everyone else is talking about bullying this week, I thought I’d do a little standing up on my own, so I wrote this quick little love poem to Mr. Bubbles. It’s not much, but I hope you like it. And, as I’m sure someone is running a Google alert right now for unflattering speech about this Officer Bubbles, let me just make it easy for that reader: My name is Jacob McArthur Mooney. I live on Wilson Park Road in Parkdale. And, go fuck yourself.

Love Poem for Officer Bubbles

I love law men.
I love law men who lay down
the log of the law on loiterers,
or the lecherous losers who let
little lapses in legality
lead them leftward.

I love large law men.
I love large law men who leer
over little girls, licking their lips
with the lacertilian lewdness
of lake-water lizards. I love
the legalese that lets them.

I love law women.
I love the law woman who let
the large law man leer.
I love her Lydian likeness, her lack
of love for the little girl.
She likes letting large men
leer over lightweights. She loves him.
She’s lawless and lamebrained,
like he is.

I love law men and law women.
I love the luck of unlicensed logging
that lets little people light lies, though
leguleiain lawyers lurk in their lounges.

I like the lockstep lawman’s little liturgy.
I like not letting his lies lie still.

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Explore posts in the same categories: Citizenship, Events, Poems in the Wider World, What Jake Did

One Comment on “Love Poem for Officer Bubbles”


  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Carolyn Black, Jacob M. Mooney. Jacob M. Mooney said: New on Vox Pop: Love Poem for Officer Bubbles: http://t.co/xlH73mv […]


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